


Force Begins

by niksilver146



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Bad Parent Han Solo, Empress Leia Organa, F/M, Good Parent Han Solo, Multi, Poe Dameron Needs A Hug, Protective Poe Dameron, Reader-Insert, Secret Relationship, Sibling Love, Young Ben Solo
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-15
Updated: 2017-04-04
Packaged: 2018-09-17 15:41:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9331991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/niksilver146/pseuds/niksilver146
Summary: You are the youngest Solo child, only a few years younger than your brother Ben, Who had been corrupted by the dark side. The reader insert of her in TFA. Her impact on the events and trying to rebuild the life her brother destroyed.I suck at summarizing.





	1. I've Got You Princess

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first star wars fic so sorry for any errors. xoxo enjoy

Pulling your knees into your chest you clung tight to yourself, trying to suffocate your cries. Your brother had finally snapped you had noticed the change in him over the past weeks. His smile slowly faded. the silly jokes you shared, he started to take things personally, snapping at you, your parent’s. everyone, especially Uncle Luke.

Sitting at the dinner table with your mother and father you made a smart comment about it being Ben’s time of the month and he snapped, threw his plate across the room. Your dad was always hard on him; you had never seen your dad so furious calling him a disgrace. Screaming about Ben’s outburst, attacking members of the court and his own sister

Then Ben did it he broke the promise, the pinkie promise he had kept for 2 years “You think she’s so perfect,” he said pointing at you with his fork, _“she’s been whoring around with Dameron for years”_

The table fell silent your mother and father both looked at you, shock, disappointment in their eyes you couldn’t tell

 _“Just because you hate yourself doesn’t mean you have to ruin other people lives_ You screamed matching your brothers tone and volume.

Ben stormed out and that was the night it all happened, He attacked Your uncle killing your Jedi class mates and fleeing to join the first order.

You blamed yourself you set him off, had you shut your mouth. Not made that stupid comment your dad and brother never would have fought; Ben wouldn’t have killed all those people and joined the first order.

On the cold floor of the loading bay you unraveled, the bruises on your body forming from where your brother griped you kicked you, made you watch as he killed people. He tried to turn you to the dark side, tried to make you like your grandfather. You attacked him, shoved him He threw you on the ground and warned you of he ever saw you again you would be dead.

So, there you were laying there in the fetes position completely unraveling in the chaos your brother had left

Your mother set out to find found you, panicking as she ran through the halls trying to find you. Scared Ben had taken you with him, killed you. Or worse you were now embracing the dark side.

She softly whispered your name as she approached you, she couldn’t tell what your mental state was from the distance

 _“Mom”_ You choked out eyes puffy and red. She ran forward wrapping you in her arms. Shushing you. _“I’m sorry, it’s my fault”_ You sobbed

 _“It’s not, the darkness in the force has corrupted your brother, the same way it did to your grandfather, this is not your fault”_ She stroked your hair

 _“I set him off, I made Ben and dad fight”_ You pulled away tears falling from your eyes

Your mother just smiled and wiped your hair damp from the tears away from your eyes

Poe ran into the loading bay, his jaw clenched and fear in his eyes, when he saw the wreck you were in. he wanted to pick you up. Wrap you in his embrace and never let you go. But your relationship was a secret. You were the princess and the daughter of the great General Organa

Leia saw the distress in Poe’s face

 _“Sorry general, I wanted to make sure you and the princess were okay”_ He looked down at the ground

 _“Dameron, make sure my daughter gets to her room safely, stay with her if need be, just make sure she is okay_.” You mother kissed the top of your head _“I married a smuggler, how could you think I wouldn’t approve”_ She winked at you, before signalling to Poe.

He crept forward taking you off her. Leia left the bay, you clung to Poe crying into his shoulder, He just held you. He tied to help you stand but your knees bucked from Ben’s attacks. Poe caught you and picked you up bridal style

 _“I’ve got you princess”_ He whispered. He carried you through the halls, people were running in panic, wounded littered the halls from your brother’s meltdown. You clung to your pilot tight, your ear to his chest, his heart beat lulling you off to sleep.

The next few weeks were hell. Your uncle Luke had left, taken off without a word or a goodbye. Your father and mother stopped talking, not even their usual bickering they just grunted and walked paste each other.

Chewy and your father came to you, your dad needed to “Get some space” and leave, he kissed you goodbye while chewy gave you one of his bear hugs

After that the entire base was in war mode your mother buried herself in her work. Whispers spread through the base of the monster your brother was. And that you were a ticking time bomb they were all waiting to go off. People would watch you, waiting, looking for any hint of the darkness waking inside you. Despite all the bad you had two lights, your droids and Poe.

Poe slowly moved into your room. Never letting you sleep alone, he comforted you and your relationship fluoresced under the dark cloud your brother had left.

===

1 YEAR LATER

Your brother had now changed his name to Kylo Ren, he paraded around in all black with a mask to hide his face. He had risen in the ranks and was now one the leading men in the first order. Tales spread of his wrath and anger towards anyone helping or sympathizing with the resistance. Your mother had entrusted you, Poe and BB-8 to hunting leads and tracking your uncle. After countless dead ends the weight of how fast and different your life had become was taking a toll

“ _I don’t know if I can handle another failure Poe”_ You said as he started seating himself into the pilot seat.

 _“Come on princess you know what they say, 47 th times the charm” _He smiled, he was sitting in front of you. His back to you so he couldn’t see how serious you were. BB, beeped telling Poe he was being insensitive as he turned a worried look across his face

 _“Hey_ ” Poe took your hand in his kissing it quickly, a small smile spread across your lips at the contact “ _Jakku, this will be the one. I know it”_

You cupped his cheek with your spare hand _“And if it’s not?_ ” you dropped your hand

 _“Then we keep looking_ ” Poe gently placed a hand under your chin, forcing you to look at him. _“We will find your uncle”_ He leaned forward pulling you into a soft kiss, assuring you he would do everything to help you find your uncle.

 _“Jakku it is”_ you forced a smile patting his shoulder.

===

Landing in the small remote village of Tuanui, you took in the endless desert and sand dunes, your family had ties to this plant, and you hated it. So, hot, sandy and full of scavengers.

 _“Who are we looking for again_?” You asked as Poe grabbed your hips helping you out of the X-wing

 _“Lor San Tekka”_ Poe said getting the pronunciation wrong as he read his name of the large list the two of you had collected on this mission

 _“That is I_ ” A tall old man said behind the two of you startling you and the pilot “ _And you best come inside”_ He smiled and gestured to a hut in the distance

 _“After you princess “Poe_ smiled, you riffled his hair as you follow the old man to his hut.

BB8, rolled in and rested next to you, the droid was more like a child to you and Poe than anything else. Lor San began speaking talking about how he came by a map, a map that would lead to Luke.

You started to get a nagging feeling in your gut, something felt off. Looking out through the door of the hut, you felt hot, needed air. Without thinking you shot up from the seat, startling Poe and the old man. Poe took your hand  
_“I’m…just… be back okay”_ You said slipping out his grasp. BB8. Followed you staying close to your heels, you felt drawn to the distance. You followed this feeling. Until you were standing on a small hill just outside the circle of huts you searched the sky’s when a flash of lights caught your eye. A sick feeling crept into the bottom of your stomach, your heart swelled up 10 sizes not in a good way.

 _“BB8, warn Poe, the first order is here”_ You yelled, instantly BB8, took off back to the old man’s hut. You were glued to this spot, a dreadful feeling crept over you. This wasn’t just some first order scout. Your brother was on that ship, you knew it.

Bells and frantic yelled erupted from the village, but still you couldn’t move the memories of what your brother did, the people he killed. Your once sweet older brother, was gone and a monster was approaching. A monster that threatened if he ever saw you again would kill you.

Poe spotted you and ran pulling at your arm trying to get you to move _“Y/N, we have to go come on”_ He yelled yanking you, snapping you out of your trance. Your ran with him, hand in his

 _“Poe its him, its Ben”_ You yelled

 _“I know baby that’s why I have to get you out of here”_ he yelled back over his shoulder

Running past all the villages you knew not all of them would survive they didn’t stand a chance against your brother and his storm troopers,

 _“Come on BB8”_ Poe yelled at the droid as you approached the X-wing

He practically threw you into the passenger seat, he was getting frantic. Unlike you, Poe had seen this new and improved ‘Kylo Ren” in action a few months ago and didn’t want him getting his hands on you. He threw the helmet at you a little too hard into your chest

 _“Ow”_ You yelled at him, he gave you and apologetic smile as he started flicking switched preparing for take-off.

You glanced behind you, storm troopers were running towards you “ _Poe they're coming_ ” You yelled at your already frantic man trying as fast as he could to get the dam thing started.

A few shots hit the left engine

 _“Shit”_ Poe yelled punching the dash

“ _Poe use the guns_ ” You yelled at him

Instantly Poe released the guns taking out a few of the approaching troopers

 _“I’m going to see if I can fix it”_ Poe yelled over his shoulder as he jumped out of the Pilot seat. You ripped off your safety belt, grabbing his blaster you followed him. The sight of the village made your blood run cold, villagers were being shot left right and center, they were being pulled from their homes, children screaming and running for their lives

Poe unhooked BB8, pulled the map from a small leather pouch and crouched down next to the droid _“You take this, it is safer with you than it is with me, you get as far away from here as you can. You hear me. I’ll come back for you.”_ Poe stood up and took the blaster from you “For both of you” He went to aid the villagers but you grabbed his arm

 _“I’m not leaving you”_ You yelled over the commotion

 _“You have to, he will kill you Y/N. your more important than me, you both need to get away”_ He kissed you, a hand finding your waist pulling you into him

 _“I… can’t”_ You tried to say but Poe silenced you with another kiss

 _“I will find you, I always do_ ” He tucked a loose strand of hair behind your ear before running off into the chaos

You lingered watching him, scared this would be the last time you would see your boyfriend

BB8, beeped at you and nudged into you, letting you know we had to go.

 _“Come on bb”_ You said tearing your eyes away from the burning village.

You didn’t get far when something hit your side, you fell to the sand crying out in pain. BB8, beeped helplessly, “ _BB, run. Go “_ You screamed at the droid, a storm trooper approached you _“BB go_ ” You screamed. The droid finally listened and took off in the darkness

 _“Kylo Ren will be pleased to see you”_ He said puling you to your feet, the pain spread and you yelped in paid, the storm trooper didn’t care he would have dragged you by your hair if you fell.

As you approached the center of the village, Lor San Tekka’s lifeless body laid at the feet of a man dressed in back from head to toe, you knew it was your brother. “ _This is how I die_ ” You whispered

The storm trooper threw you at Kylo Ren’s feet, you pushed a hand to your bloodied side, trying to slow the bleeding “ _Hello sister”_ Kylo said bending down. He grabbed your hair and pulled your head back “ _Where’s your pilot”_

A loud scream came from the distance _“NOOOO_ ” Poe yelled as he shot his blaster at Kylo

Your brother Instantly dropped you using the force he froze the blast and Poe. You could see Poe fighting the force, trying to get loose so he could shoot Kylo before he hurt you.

Troopers ran and grabbed Poe pulling him to face Kylo, they kicked the back of his knees and he was sitting on the ground next to you. You were laying on your side a hand pressed tightly to your wound, your skin was losing its colour and your eyes were starting to roll behind your eye lids. Poe reached for you but Kylo stopped him with a kick to the face.

 _“I wouldn’t”_ He threatened as the Troopers straightened Poe up, blood gushing from his nose

Kylo crouched down so he was level with Poe, tiling his head to the side he studied the pilot

 _“So, who talks first I talk first”_ Poe said. He always had to make a joke, you thought trying to hold on to conciseness

 _“The old man gave it to you”_ Kylo said in a calming tone

Poe looked at you quickly winking before answering “ _It’s just very hard to understand you with all that”_ He was trying to agitate Kylo make him mad at Poe so his anger would be directed at him not you.

 _“Search him”_ Kylo ordered, the troopers searched Poe. Kylo turned to you. You were barely holding on, your blood staining the sand _“Now sweet sister, what shall I do with you”  
“Don’t you touch her”_ Poe snapped casing the trooper next to him to slap Poe across the face

 _“Ben, please”_ You said, barely audible as of how weak you were.  
Kylo glanced between the two lovers “ _Put them both on board_ ” He ordered. Two storm troopers tried to pull you to your feet, but you lost conciseness before they could.


	2. I loved you

Fuzzy memories filed your mind. You were in and out of consciousness from the moment you left Jakku to now, the dim light of the room you were in stung your eyes. You tried to rub them but your hands and feet were bound.

A weak voice came from next to you _“There’s my girl”_ Poe said, you focused on him. He was beaten blood stained his perfect curly hair and dripped down his forehead. He looked like he was fighting to stay awake.

 _“Poe… What did they do”_  you said holding back tears

 _“Nothing a little R & R can’t fix princess_” He tried to laugh but started coughing in pain.

 _“I… I made sure the map got away, don’t worry”_ You smiled at him

 _“Good... I just wish you were to_ ” He smiled back

Heavy foot prints echoed down the halls.

 _“Y/N, close your eyes, don’t open them, pretend to be asleep please no matter what you hear”_ Poe ordered _  
“Poe no”_  
_“Y/n just do what I say for once please”_

You nodded and closed your eyes.

The door swung open and Kylo Ren walked in _“I’m impressed, no one had been able to get out of you, what you did with the map”_

 _“Might want to rethink your technique”_ Poe sassed  
Kylo looked at you for a second, Poe could swear he was grinning under that mask, they never did like each other and Kylo was loving having him under his thumb. Ben/ Kylo had seen Poe as the man who stole his sister, and Poe saw him as the dark cloud that threatened the life and happiness of the one thing he loved more than anything in the galaxy.

Kylo raised his hand to Poe’s head and started running through his memories, trying to make it as pain full as possible, Poe tried to keep his mouth shut, knowing if you herd him whimper your eyes would shoot open and Kylo would have another way to torture him.

Memories flashed through Poe’s mind, like someone shifting through a filing cabinet, The past few days with you. Cuddled in at night in the cramped X-wing, but you both didn’t care. Stopping at Takodana to see Maz, she forced a small ring into Poe’s hands when you weren’t looking.

“ _Where is it”_ Kylo asked  
_“The resistance will not be intimidated by you”_

Then the flight to Jakku, Poe telling you is horrible jokes that made you laugh no matter what. Then meeting with Lor San Tekka

Poe started to scream when Kylo got close to the memories of BB8. Just like he predicted your eyes opened at you started yelling at your brother.

 _“Stop please, please Ben stop”_ You screamed puling at your restraints

“Where is it” Kylo asked Poe again, ignoring you

Poe screams turned into a pain full yells he was fighting, for BB8, for the resistance and you. Suddenly Poe went limp and fell back. His eyes closed and his breathing slowed

 _“Poe, Poe!”_ You screamed at your pilot.

 _“He’s not dead_ ” Kylo said focusing on you now. You spat at him _“You’re a monster, I…”_  
“What hate me, now sister you couldn’t hate me, you couldn’t hate your flesh and blood, you’re too good for that” He was taunting you  
“It’s not too late, you can come back. Stop all this. Just let us go” You begged

 _“Keep pleading, it will do you no good. But I will make you one more promise. You will leave this room one of two ways, Dead. Or you will embrace the darkness.”  
“What one saves Poe”_ You turned to your pilot

_“I think you know”_

You knew saving Poe would mean embracing the dark side, But how. He was right, you couldn’t hate him he was your brother, you didn’t hate anyone you’re not an angry person and the only thing you feared was losing Poe.

 _“You hand me your blaster”_ Kylo said holding his hand out to the storm trooper guarding the exit.

He studied the blaster before holding it to Poe’s head.

 _“Stop”_ You yelled

 _“Have you made a decision”_  
_“Yes please, just don’t hurt him”_

Kylo placed the blaster to Poe’s sleeping temple

 _“Stop Ben Please. I’ll stay I promise, I’ll learn the dark side please just let him go”_ he turned Poe’s unconscious face to yours the blaster still pushed against his head

 _“Ben stop”_ You screamed this time the blaster flung from his hand and landed across the room

 _“Good, I think I believe you now, I’ll be back_ ” He said before exiting the room, leaving you and Poe alone.

You looked at Poe’s face, he looked peaceful despite the blood and bruises across his face. You tried to memorize every inch of him. The way his hair fell on his forehead. His dark curls you loved to twist in-between your fingers as he slept. His cheeks, lips, hands, you knew once your brother returned you would never see Poe again, not like this. Not good. The next time you would see him. You would be dark, your mind twisted and what scared you the most was the fear that the love you had for him, for your family and friends would turn to hatred. Just like your brother.

Poe’s eyelashes stared to flutter, you knew he was starting to wake up. Soon after his eyes began to open slightly and he caught sight of you a small smile on the corner of his mouth.

 _“I love you”_ was all you could bring yourself to say.

 _“I love you more_ ” Poe struggled to say

 _“Baby listen to me, it’s going to be okay, you’re going to get out of here_ “Hot tears ran down your cheek  
_“You mean we”_ he returned  
_“You, Poe Dameron you have to’_

_“I’m not leaving without you”_

The familiar sound of foot prints echoed down the halls

_“I’m so sorry, I really am. Just remember from this moment no matter what happens, what I do, or say. I loved you Poe Dameron”_

The door opened and 2 storm troopers entered. “ _He’s ready for you_ ” One said before releasing your restraints

 _“Y/N. What’s happened. What have you done”_ Poe said fear cracking his voice

“ _Let me go, don’t try and find me, promise me”_

 _“No_ ” he snapped  
_“Poe please”_ you pleaded  
_“I will never stop fighting for you”_  
Before the troopers could pull you away. You wriggled out of their grasp placing one final kiss on Poe’s lips. He was stiff at first then relaxed. You tried to remember this feeling.

The troopers pulled you away from Poe, he continued to yell your name as they dragged you out the room and down the hall.

 

A few minutes later you were dragged into control room, your brother was speaking with an orange haired man and a silver storm trooper.

 _“your pilot escaped”_ Kylo said as you approached, a small smile escaped your lips “ _At least now I get to kill him_ ” He finished and your smile faded

 _“Poe’s the best pilot in the galaxy, good luck”_ You spat at him. He grabbed your arm and dragged you to a large window in the distance you could see a tie fighter dodging blast from this ship, you couldn’t help but smile again. Poe defiantly was the most amazing pilot you had ever seen. It was the thing that drew you to him in the first place.

A blast hit Poe’s ship and you saw it plummet from the sky right back to Jakku.

You turned you didn’t want to see this. Kylo grabbed your hair and forced you to watch the love of your life plummet from the sky to his death. Tears ran down your cheek. In this second, you knew what anger, and hatred felt like. You don’t know what came over you. You spin around ignoring the pain Kylo cause pulling your hair and tackled him to the ground. You started hitting him. In the arms, chest everywhere. His men scrambled to pull you off him.

 _“I hate you, I hate you. You said if I stay you would let him go”_ you screamed

Kylo Ren laughed _“I said no such thing, you assumed”_ Kylo walked over and forced you to look at him

_“Now little sister, I think it’s time you met Snoke”_


	3. find something to ground you

Your brother had landed on a strange planet. He blindfolded you and led you from the ship. The air on this plant was cold, but a heat radiated from the ground. Like that of an engine overheating. You tried to listen to the buzz of the base. Any clues you could relay to the resistance if you ever escaped or got a chance to get a message out. You tried to count the amount of men he had at his disposal. But there was to many noises. The only thing you could tell was he was working on a weapon, a weapon that would shake the galaxy.

Kylo led you into a large room. You could tell it was large by the way your footsteps echoed, and the coldness that filled it. Completely different to the rest of the base.

 _“Kylo Ren, what have you bought before me”_ A great booming voice echoed

 _“My sister, supreme leader. She has decided to join our ranks”_ Kylo took you blind fold off

It took your eyes a few seconds to adjust to the new setting. A great cave like room. The floor and beams where like that of a ship, but the walls slowing faded to a cave.

 _“SO it would seem”_ The great large man said leaning forward in his chair to study you.

A glimmer of light coming from above his head told you two things. This man, if you could even call him that was not here. He was a hologram and two, perhaps, he was the man puling your brother’s strings.

Satisfied with his study of you the hologram relaxed back in his seat. “ _There is a small darkness in her, fresh. Grief.  It will take a lot of work. But I can see it growing with every breath”_

 _“I’ll get to work right away, supreme leader”_ Your brother went to blind fold you again but you dodged him

 _“And I get no say in this_ ” You yelled at the giant

 _“What would you say”_ He asked, daring you, taunting you almost

 _“I will not. I will not belittle myself to the means of a sith, of a dark Jedi. Of a monster_ ” You said looking at your brother _“I may have lost Poe but do not mistake my grief as a weakness, it makes me stronger. Reminds me of the horrible person you have become. And that I will not”_

With a flick of your brother’s wrist you were silenced. Grabbing at the invisible force wrapped around your throat you fought for air.

 _“It would seem you have your work cut out for you Kylo Ren”_ Snoke said before his hologram disappeared leaving you alone with the shade of your brother

Kylo finally released you. You dropped to your knees fighting for the air to fill your lungs.

 _“You ever speak like that in front of the Supreme leader again, you will not live to finish your sentence_ ”

 _“You know what_ ” You started pulling yourself to your feet _“I'm getting sick of these empty death threats brother”_

Kylo raised his hand bracing yourself for slap, but he paused, sighing he grabbed your arm. This time forgetting the blind fold he dragged you around the halls of his base. You caught site of a large group of Storm Troopers, more than you have ever seen in your life.  Hundreds, hell thousands of them. All in line.

Kylo stopped at a small room. Opening the door he threw you inside _“I have things to attend to. But do not fret my sister, I will be back”_ He made no attempt to hide the venom in his voice

The door slid closed and for the first time in a while you were alone. The room, more like a closet was tiny. Around three by three meters, no bed. No nothing. Pulling you knees into your chest you tried to remember your training.

The first day you ever use the force was by accident. You were about 5, you and Ben were running around the Falcon playing while your dad worked on it. By mistake Ben had knocked your fathers ladder and he fell. You don’t know why but you through your hands out, an invisible force catching him. From that day on wards your parents wanted you in training with your brother and uncle. You didn’t know how to use the force like your brother. You didn’t want to be a Jedi. Your uncle new that and taught you little tricks and ways of controlling the force. _“The dark side is very tempting my dear niece, never give in. Always find something to ground you.”_ You had that it was Poe. His smile crept into your mind. Your sassy, smart and beautiful Pilot, Poe Dameron. The thought of his ship exploding Him crash landing and dying made the air feel like fire in your lungs and it was all “Kylo Ren’s” fault

“No” You cursed yourself. This is what he wants he wants the anger to consume me, the grief to twist me. Think of the positive think of the good.

You thought back to your fist date with Poe. He was so nervous it made you smile.

Poe spent at least an hour taming his curls, wiping down his leather jacket and sifting though a pile of dirty clothes to find a clean white top. He knew if anyone in the base saw the two of you together It would mean trouble to he arranged for a mid-night picnic. Creping down the halls he met you in your secret spot. A small hidden grove outside the base.

Just like Poe you were nervous, sneaking past your parents, brother and Wookie. Not to mention C3PO Who wasn’t exactly good at keeping secrets. You let your hair run free and made it just before Poe.

The goofiest smile on his face as he aproned in the grove “ _You came_ ” He smiled

_“yeah had nothing better to do at 12.40 in the morning”_

“ _Well. I ah.. You know I”_ Poe tripped over his words. You loved how he was this confident, well-spoken true leader but around you he turned into a baffling idiot. Your idiot

“Hey relax, I’m kidding”

Poe laughed nervously taking each other’s hands he led you down a path and set up the basket and blanket.

You focused on his smile, the way his hair reflected the moon light. His eyes, laugh. Everything good. Everything that kept you good.


	4. I Think I Have Something Of Yours

You and Poe made a quick pit stop at Maz’s before heading to Jakku. Maz was always a delight to see, she was a friend of your fathers and even though you hadn’t seen your father in a year you got a little piece of him whenever you walked though her doors.

 _“Right I need the little girls room”_ You excused yourself from the table that you, Poe and Maz were sitting at.

Poe watched you as you brushed past the crowd a smile on his lips

_“You boy are smitten”_

_“What… no”_

“I can see it, it’s the eyes always the eyes” Maz pointed at her own then his

Poe leaned in _“what about her is she”_

_“She loves you deeply to, but I’m sure you didn’t need me to tell you that”_

_“yeah. It’s just been so. Fast lately we rarely have moments like this”_

Maz placed her small hand over Poe’s _“cherish them, because there will be times when these moments, are all you have that separates darkness from light, I will be right back I have something you might like. Don’t tell Y/N”_

Maz re-joined the table it was obvious she had asked someone to whisk you away so they could have a moment alone together. And again, Poe watched you leave a smile on his lips

Maz reached for Poe’s hand placing a ring inside

_“Maz... I don’t know”_

_“life is short, humans shorter than most. You are lucky you have found that love most people dream of. You would be stupid not to make it yours forever”_

Poe laughed and picked the ring up looking it over

_“It belonged to a queen, long ago. Given to her by a young man. Their love was forbidden, yet somehow, they found a way to be together”_

_“Did it end well for them?”_

_“No, but I think this ring can symbolise what you have, what you could have. And what could happen if you lost each other”_

Poe tucked the ring into his jacket pocket, _“You’re right. I’m going to ask her. Y/n Solo to be my wife”_

_“do you know how you will ask her”_

_“Ah… after Jakku, it’s the last stop we have for a while. It seems promising.”_

_“Then good luck, you don’t need it”_

 

+

 

Every day was the same routine. Your brother would enter your cell, throw you around the room, whisper your deepest fears into your mind, you were breaking. physically and mentally

 _“Poe Dameron is dead he died painfully and slowly. He ran, he left you. Father left us both. Mother isn’t looking for you, no one will come for you. You are expendable. You will die here”_ Those words haunted you, everyday he said the same thing, twisting your mind, pulling those good memories further and further from your mind.

Dark emotions began to fill you

Anger.

 Anger for getting caught

 anger at yourself.

Anger at Poe for dying.

Anger towards your parents for not restraining Ben.

 Anger because no one had saved you

And in some sick way you started to enjoy the pain, it detracted you from your reality, alone. The seed of darkness growing every day.

 

**2 months later**

 

The door to your cell slid open, you didn’t move, didn’t acknowledge your brother. He studied you, usually he would start his attacks before the door fully opened.

His hand wrapped around your throat and he shoved you against the cold wall, still you remained emotionless. No fear, so sadness, just dead pan. Kylo squeezed a little tighter still no reaction from you. He released you.

“ _Well, it would seem you have finally become who you were supposed to be sister, let me ask you. What do you feel”_

 _“Nothing”_ you whispered

_“What do you feel towards our parents”_

_“anger, pity”_

_“How so?_ ” you felt rage burning deep inside you “ _They did this, they made you. In return you made me. It’s their fault we were weak. They didn’t come for me, they didn’t fight for you. You are right we were expendable to them”_

Kylo extended his hand “ _Come, you are finally ready”_

_“for what?”_

_“_ _To finish what our grandfather started”_  
  


*

Your brother hears word the droid is on Takodana, at Maz’s castle. You know he is testing you bringing you along. He wants to see if your darkness is true. And it is. You know you shouldn’t feel this way but it consumes you. A blood thirst to kill your parents, and the resistance for abandoning you.

Kylo approaches you _“The ship is landing, remember we are here for the droid”_

“ _I know_ ”  you say, as you check your blaster over

 _“Will you be able to fire on these people I wonder_ ”

you hoister your blaster and face your brother _“Have I not proven my loyalty, my worth”_

“Yes but you are yet’

 _“Do not question me as I do not question you_ ” you snap, the troopers and generals avoid your gaze as you turn from him ready to march into battle

The assault was going to plan Maz’s once great castle, the one you and Poe had many dates in, was crumbling and you felt nothing.

 _“I will peruse the girl and droid, you make sure there are no survivors_ ” Kylo orders you.

You saw  young man take down several storm troopers, it wasn’t the man himself that you noticed but the familiar lightsaber he was wielding , you watched the young man, you sent one of your best troopers to take him down, and he was close but someone intervened. Your father and his wookiee.

You fired your blaster, a warning shot hitting just below their feet, and your troopers surrounded the three of them

 _“Who the hell are you”_ fin spat

 _“Y/n, Solo. But that doesn’t matter, who are you I wonder”_ You walked closer ignoring your father

_“No one”_

_“Not no one, you’re that storm trooper, fn whatever the one that escaped… with the resistance pilot”_

_“you mean Poe, he talked about you, you know before everything happened. He would be ashamed of who you have become”_

_You slapped Finn across the face silencing him “the resistance scum is dead he doesn’t feel, think, know any think, he is just a fading memory. Now how did you procure that lightsaber”_

_“Gift”_ Finn sassed _“_

_From whom, wait don’t tell me. Maz. Didn’t even need to use the force for that one its obvious, sneaky wench has been involving herself in the resistance business for years, even though she calls this place a sanctuary for all”_

Han finally found his voice it was quite and broken. The fears he had as he held you when you were born had come true his little girl was consumed, his little boy as well. The Vada was too strong in his children and he felt it was his fault _“Y/N…”_

 _“Do not speak unless spoken to old man”_ You raised a finger to your father, but kept your gaze, full of darkness and evil on Finn

_“What has your brother done to you”_

_“He helped me access my true potential unlike you”_

_“You didn’t want this, you wanted to be a pilot”_

you snapped your gaze from Finn, giving your father a look that made his  blood run cold _“Oh yes I wanted to be just like my heroic father, Han Solo, the scavenger who aided Luke Skywalker and the great general Organa. Do you have any idea what shadow that casted on us”_

_“This isn’t you sweet heart”_

_“I’ve had enough silence the old man”_ You signalled a trooper and they raised their blaster, before you could give the kill order Finn spoke up.

_“I think I have something of yours”_

_“And what would that be”_

_“_ _I’m guessing you recognize this jacket”_ Finn pointed at the brown dirty leather jacket he was wearing

_“Yes it belonged to the resistance pilot”_

_“Poe’s, yes. After the crash I found the jacket, and something inside I think he wanted to give you”_

Finn slowly unzipped the pocket and reached inside he extended his hand, you placed your hand under his and he dropped a small diamond ring.

It was like you had run straight into a wall. Feelings slowly started to creep back, Poe his smile. Then his death. you closed your hand squeezing the ring tight.  He died, he left you.

“This… it…is nothing” You handed the ring back to Finn

“I think that’s a lie” Han said gently

_“What did I say old man”_

_“I would duck if I were you”_ Finn pointed behind your head

 _“What”_ You turned

 _“Resistance pilots”_ Someone yelled

An explosion sent you flying. Knocking you cold

Han ran after you, brushing the hair away from your face “ _We need to bring her with us”_

 _“Are you kidding she’s psychotic”_ Finn yelled over the commotion 

“ _She’s my daughter, watch your mouth”_ Han stood inched from Finns face

“ _Yeah about that. You failed to tell us your children were running around the galaxy leaving death and destruction in their wake”_

“shut it, she’s coming with us” Han crouched down by you again, quickly assessing any damage

 _“I need to find Rey”_ Fin said before running off

Chewy picked you up in his arms “Chewy, take her to the falcon” Han asked

As the Wookiee began to walk off Han stopped him _“Best put her in some chains, just in case”_

_+_

_Han hugged his wife tight "I’ve got her leia… Y/n”_

_“Where is she, is she okay”_ Leia pulled away meeting Hans eyes

_“She’s okay, but she’s…”_

He didn’t need to finish that sentence she knew what he meant, what was wrong with her beautiful daughter. _“He changed her didn’t he”_

Han could only nod.

_“Lets get everyone back to base, then I would like to see her”_

_“Leia she…”_

_“She’s not my daughter right now I know she’s… I know who can get through to her, I just hope its not to late”_


	5. You Stupid Pilot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AHHHH I so hated writing this, so here it is. next chapter is almost done just need to add a few things. hope you enjoy :)

Leia had instructed you be taken to the far side of the base, put in a holding cell away from all the commotion. She was taking precautions in case you got out, in case Poe couldn’t get through to you. She hadn’t spoken to Poe yet, as far as she knew the only people who knew of your presence of the base was, her, Han, Chewy and Finn. She was going to keep it that way for as long as she could, little did she know that wouldn’t be very long at all. She was in the middle of a briefing when Poe barged in, Finn close behind him

 _“Where is she”_ He yelled

 _“Finn, I told you not to tell him”_ Leia said ignoring Poe’s question

_“It wasn’t me it was BB-8”_

_“_ _Where is she, you can’t keep her locked away. Like some animal”_

 _“_ _Poe, I know you love her but you don’t understand”_

 _“_ _I understand you are keeping the woman I love in chains. Where is she”_

 _“Give us the room_ ”

The room slowly began to empty, leaving Leia with Poe and Finn.

_“Do you have any idea what you have just done”_

_“What I’ve done what about what you are doing to your own daughter”_ Poe slammed his fist in the table

_“Poe Dameron, you will remember I am your superior”_

_“So that’s it, pull your rank instead of being a mother”_

Leia finally lost her cool, responding in the same volume as the angry pilot _“You have no idea what it’s like to have this poison run through your family, to think every day that this is the day. The day the darkness will take my family from me_ ”

Poe rubbed his jaw _“I know very well. Y/n told me everything. We shared everything. We are each other’s world, so do not try and tell me I don’t know how you feel. That darkness has taken the only person I love, the only family I have left”_

_“I wanted to tell you, she is my daughter I love her as much as you. There are things we must deal with first she’s not going anywhere”_

“Because she is in a cage”

Finn stepped forward placing a hand on his friend’s shoulder _“Poe, she’s right you didn’t see her, the way she spoke about you it was”_

Poe shoved Finns hand away _“Don’t… I don’t what to hear about what she’s done, it wasn’t her. I can get her back. Take me to her, now. Before I really make a scene”_

_“I was intending on keeping her presence here a secret until we had dealt with the star killer, now no doubt everyone who was in the room is spreading the word of her being here. And no one will be happy about it, especially the people on the ground who saw what she did”_

Poe knew she was right, Y/n, his Y/n had done some horrible things, but he knew it wasn’t you, the only thing that kept him going the past months was the hope you would be okay. His love would come back to him, or he would fine you. Now you were here all he wanted was to see you

_“Please commander. I need her”_

_“Fine, we can try now. Perhaps seeing you will have an effect on her”_ Leia placed a hand on Poe’s shoulder _“Just remember, she’s different Poe. She’s not herself”_

+

You were pacing around the edge of your cell. They locked you in a glass cell, no doubt so they could watch you, study you, try bring that weak girl back. The chains around your wrist dragging along the ground, every step, every second your rage was building. How dare they lock you up. Keep you Here, you recognized were you were. Deep in the base far from any main commands. A door opened and your mother walked up to the glass

“ _What come to tell me how sorry you are, apologise. Beg for me to see the error of my ways”_ you kicked the glass startling Leia and she stepped back a few.

_“No, I know you hate me, your father, everyone right now. But there is one person I know you could ever hate. No matter how much you pretend.”_

_“here we go the desperate plea for my soul, oh sweet Y/n, see the light, step away from the darkness, too late, I took the plunge and I like it. No matter who walks though those doors I will never, become that weak stupid girl again”_

_“You were never weak”_

Leia wasn’t looking at you, her gaze was on the ground, the wall anywhere but your eyes and it was infuriating you

 _“I was, you made me weak, father made me week, that disgusting pilot made me weak. You can’t even look at me, because you are weak”_  

Leia turned and approached the door to the room your cell was in, it slid open _“you can enter”_ Poe walked in, his face was still slightly bruised and he was in his bright orange flight suit.

“ _Hey, princess”_ He smiled at you

 _“So you’re not dead, congratulations”_ you sarcastically clapped your hands together. Leia gave him an apologetic look as she left leaving the two of you alone.

She sat next to Finn just outside the door, a small monitor so they could see the interaction between the two of you.

 _“I’ve been told you’re not yourself right now”_ Poe took a careful step forward

 _“and you are always the noble soldier, so no doubt you believe them”_ You scoffed and began tugging at your chains

_“I don’t have to Y/n I can see it, the woman I knew would never speak to her mother that way”_

_“The woman you knew, is dead”_ you said over your shoulder as you continued to pull on your chains

 _“I don’t believe that_ ”

 _“for crying out loud, is this it. Your big play. Try guilt me into feeling again, well newsflash resistance scum, I don’t care about you_ ” you marched towards the glass standing face to face with Poe

 _“I don’t believe that”_ he was beginning to lose his cool with you

_“well you should, I could kill you right now and I would sleep like a baby, I could kill my parents, that wookiee. Your stupid storm trooper friend, everyone on this base and you know what Dameron. I wouldn’t care. Because I don’t care about them, about you. You’re nothing, you disgust me. I hate you”_

_“Y/n stop it_ ” Poe yelled, he had never yelled at you. You two had never fought before and this was slowly killing him, but what hurt the most was you seemed to enjoy the pain you were inflicting on him.

 _“What did I hit a nerve”_ you laughed and went back to tugging on your chains “ _You were always such a push over”_ you snarled over your shoulder Poe took a deep breath, trying to form the words in his head before he spoke. _“You forget I know you, I know every inch of you, mind and body. I know when your sad, happy, stressed. I know the way you liked to be touched the way you hate confrontation. So, I can see though this. your bullshit mask you have on. I know your saying these things to push me away. Because it is easier to hold onto this darkness then take responsibility for your actions”_

 _“You don’t know shit”_ You charged at him, if the glass wasn’t there Poe had no doubt in his mind you would have attacked him, that was until he saw a single tear run down your cheek. He knew he was getting through to you. He just had to play the bad guy for a little while longer.

_“Is that it all you’re going to say, some comeback Y/N”_

_“I hate you, I wished you died on Jakkuu. But you know what at least now I will have the great honour in snuffing your good for noting life out myself, and don’t worry it will be slow and painful. You will feel every second of it”_ As you spoke more tears began to fall from your eyes.

 _“Y/n stop”_ Poe hit the glass hard

_“make me, step in here. And make me”_

Poe turned and walked towards the exit, for a moment you thought he was going to leave _“Fine”_

Poe locked the room so no one could enter

“ _Poe, open the door_ ” Leia and Finn yelled from the other side. Poe unlocked your cell, he stood at the thresh hold.

_“You told me, no matter what. You say, or do you loved me, I know deep down that’s still true, that’s how I know you won’t hurt me, not really”_

you lifted your hands” _take these off and find out”_

Leia was ordering her men to get the doors open, she knew it would be nearly impossible. This cell had been built for her son, to keep the person in. “ _She’s going to kill him”_ Finn yelled as he watched Poe walk closer to you

_“We just have to hope he knows what he is doing, until we get these doors open”_

 

Poe was keeping his distance, he was just out of reach _“Do you remember the first time you told me you loved me”_

 _“Ah, can we not. Just take these off”_ You started shaking the chains, wanting nothing more than to wrap your hands around his throat

 _“you said it by mistake, I don’t even think you realised you said it at first. You were freezing, given we were stranded on Hoth so, of course it was cold. I whisked you away, said it was drastic weather training. I took of my coat and gave it to you, you were so worried I would freeze, so you snuggled into me, as you drifted off, you whispered I love_ you”

 _“I don’t remember that”_ You tried to get as close as you could but the chains kept him just out of reach

 _“Because you won’t allow yourself to”_ When Poe finished speaking he pulled a small bottle from his pocket

 _“_ _What the hell is that”_

 _“Poison, and this”_ Poe pulled out a syringe out _“is the antidote”_ he threw it across the room

_“What you going to kill me, you don’t have the guts”_

_“See I know you Y/N, you’re a drama queen deep down, I know words and chit chat aren’t going to get through to you. Action. That’s what will fix you”_

_“What the hell are you talking about”_

_“It’s for me, not you. I know you love me, I know the woman I love is in there. That why I know you won’t let me die”_ Poe drank the poison, at first nothing happened, then he fell to his knees

 _“You’re a stupid idiot, you’re going to die you know that”_ you yelled at him

 _“Save me Y/N, I know you’re in there”_ Poe was on his side, gasping for air on the floor

_“You’re such an idiot”_

_“I love you”_

you could see the colour beginning to drain from Poe’s face, his breathing was getting heavy

 _“Poe”_ he didn’t answer you

An internal battle like a fire in your gut erupted through you. You wanted to see him die, but every painful breath he took all you wanted to do was help him. Kiss him hit him for being stupid

 _“Poe_ ” you yelled at him tears threatening to spill from your eyes

 _“you stupid pilot_ ” you dove for the antidote but it was just out of reach, you glanced back at Poe who was close to his end

 _“Poe, I cant reach it”_ tears were flowing freely now

“ _Somebody help”_ you yelled, reaching with all your might. Your finger brushed the tip of the syringe with one last push you grabbed it, a sharp pain shot from your wrist you know you damaged it, possibly broken it. You scrambled across the ground to Poe

 _“please don’t die”_ You raised the syringe above your head and plunged it into his chest. Poe’s breathing stopped

“ _Poe_ ” you whimpered, you slowly placed a hand on his head, brushing back the strands of curly hair that dropped onto his forehead

 _“Poe please”_ you shook him, begging for him to wake up. All the emotions you had been suppressing began to surface. You wanted him to wake up. You wanted to apologise you never meant anything you said.

The door Poe locked opened, Finn your mother and a few soldiers ran in.

 _“Get the hell away from him_ “Finn yelled shoving you away from Poe

The soldiers grabbed you pulling you back, two of them, one on each side grabbing your arms tight

 _“Please save him, he can’t die, please_ ” you managed to choke out between sobs. Finn looked at you in shock he slapped Poe hard across the face and he shot up, gasping for air

Finn patted Poe’s back.

 _“Let me go please”_ you managed to get free of the solders and ran for Poe, wrapping your arms around his neck

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean it, Poe i..”

Poe silenced you by pressing his lips to yours. You pulled his hair slightly trying to get every part of him, you missed him, you loved him, you said such horrible things to him. You needed him to know you were sorry

“It’s okay princess, I’m okay” he whispered as you pulled away


End file.
